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Is your heart where it needs to be?

Do you have those days where you constantly question what you are doing with your life?

I hate change and I crave it at the same time. I hate routine but then routine makes me feel comfortable.

I want to try new things - have something to push me out of my comfort zone but my mind will always convince me that I am not good enough. That every choice - whichever I choose - is the wrong one. It's exhausting.

When I think of how other people my age have progressed, whether it is buying a house, having children, working towards their dream job, it makes me feel stuck. Why don't I have those things yet? Maybe it's social media that creates this sense of failure - like we are constantly chasing something that possibly doesn't exist.

It's easy to get stuck in a never ending loop - if I look a certain way I'll be happy, if I find a new job I'll be happy, if I.. if I..... but it's never enough. There's always something new, something more.

I can change how I look, I can dress a certain way, I can buy a new car, a house.. but will these things really bring me happiness?

The more we over think the less we live in the moment and I guess that's how we miss the things that truly do make us happy.

I know that if I don't work on what is going on in my head then these things on the outside will always be meaningless.

But where do we start?

I need to remember that this isn't a competition. There is no right or wrong way to do things. We make decisions -right or wrong - and we learn and we grow. There is no race. Things will happen naturally if we let them.


Photo Diary - Las Vegas

Think Appy Thoughts



Couch 2 5k

The Secret

Here are my four favourite apps that I feel have been helpful over the last month or so.


This has become my favourite app. When my anxiety is properly kicking my ass I find it hard to sleep. You know the feeling - your mind is racing, stomach churning. Tossing and turning all night. What I find really helps me sleep are the 'Sleepcasts'. There are a few different 'stories' on there. My favourite is the beachcomber story, I listened to it every night and would be asleep within 20  minutes (amazing!!!). At the moment I am falling asleep without them which is great but I always know they are there whenever I am struggling to relax.

There are lots of different sections on the app. At the moment I am doing the Happy meditation course. Taking just a few minutes out of my day to relax and give my mind a rest is really helping.


Over Christmas I didn't manage to make it to the gym at all, I fully lost interest in it (and anything else for that matter). I know that exercise helps me in more ways than just losing weight or keeping fit. It helps my brain relax. I've been a fan of Grace Fit for aaaages so decided to try her app. It's £9.99 per month but this comes with a workout plan, and a vegan meal plan. There are videos, home workouts and a section where you can chat with other members. When I go to the gym my brain tends to wander if I don't have a plan set beforehand. The workouts are really great and easy to follow. At the moment I am doing 3 days a week but you can tailor the plan to what suits you!

Couch 2 5K

In between the 3 Shreddy workouts which are mainly weight training I like to follow along with the Couch 2 5K app. I am SO unfit when it comes to cardio and this app is really helping me build up my fitness. My goal is to eventually run 5K and hopefully join some park runs in my area.

The Secret

I'm sure everyone has heard of The Secret before. It's a great book talking about the power of attraction and manifestation. Every morning instead of scrolling through Facebook I just click on this app - it gives you a little positive affirmation each day, something to think about when getting ready for work!

They say that using your phone can be bad for your mental health but there are so many great apps out there that you can carry around in your pocket. Let me know in the comments if you have any favourites.


Road Trip - Brighton


A Happy Place

I've been holding my breath

Wow, it has been a long, long time since I used this blog. I have decided I want to keep track of ways I am going to help myself in 2020 and I hope that someone will come across this blog and it will help them too.

I have experienced anxiety in many different ways since my time at University but before the Christmas break is when my it really hit it's peak. I honestly felt like I had lost my personality. I had no interest in anything. Christmas came and went. When others were celebrating, socialising, enjoying time off work - What should have been a happy, exciting time became one of the worst I have experienced in a while.

For me, I feel that anxiety and depression come hand in hand. Anxiety causes unnecessary worry, guilt, shame and depression clings on to those feelings dragging you further down. It's that voice in your head that you don't recognise, the one that celebrates your insecurities. Then there are the physical effects of anxiety - headaches, stomach ache, the shakes, panic attacks, heart racing, no sleep. It's a nightmare.

Instagram: morganharpernichols
I spent most of my break from work on the sofa, randomly crying, watching TV. I had no interest in anything - going out, seeing my friends, celebrating Christmas. I had to force myself to do basic things such as shower, wash my hair, even eat. Sleeping became almost impossible - I would maybe get a few hours a night, tossing and turning my mind in constant 'worry mode'. I have always experienced these feelings of worry in the back of my mind 'what if, what if, what if?' but now it was in overdrive.

But, worrying about what? I have family, friends. A job. A relationship. A car. A roof over my head. Money in the bank.

I think that's what scares me the most - anxiety/depression does not discriminate. Any person at any time can find themselves spiraling for apparently no reason at all.

Thankfully, I have an amazing mother and boyfriend who are there for me no matter what. I have friends who were checking in on me and understood when I cancelled our plans. Sometimes depression can trick us in to feeling an extreme loneliness, like you are the only person that feels a certain way but more often than not that is not the case. There are so many people out there who experience this but feel they can't speak to anyone, who feel embarrassed. I too feel embarrassed but I think that speaking about anxiety and depression will help more people open up. It will help us learn.

Reading back on this there's that little voice telling me 'stop being so dramatic', 'people will judge you' but now is the time to try and silent that voice in the back of my mind.

I am hoping that there are people out there (even if it's just one!) who will follow along with this little journey with me and I hope that we can help each other.